soph (eighty6lovelush) wrote,

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some summing up

I need to do some recapping. And since I never actually write in my journal (you know, they used to come with paper), i figure ill avoid work and do it in here. it is called livejournal...shit, i should be journaling it more often.

So, the end of 2005 was pretty shitty, much the same as the end of 2004. Both years ending with me losing a boyfriend over the most stupid excusses i have ever heard a man give. "i dont know why i cant be with you, your perfect, i love you, but i just cant do this right now" (WTF?) I wish i had a decoder that would tell me what men actually mean by that. im sure its something like this: "I love you and want to be with you, but there are these other girls that I want to fuck, so, right now, i cant be tied down." Which is fine...BUT FUCKING SAY IT ALREADY! So, yeah. This year it was Moe...who im sure most of you remember. Found out that i had been a fool for quite some time before our relationhips actually ended. Its never fun finding out that you were a fool. And its not that often in my life that i have felt this way. I mean, i like to think of myself as a pretty perceptive person...but to be so decieved, its a bit shocking. Makes me really question my judgement of people. I through this, I have discovered that my intstincts are kinda faulty. Because I really dont want the end of 2006 to end this way...3 years in a row, i just dont think i could handle it.

And this just this my offical induction into the jaded and bitter world of middle aged women? fucking a. i dont want to be the jealous, untrusting bitch that cant get her shit together because she's "been hurt so many times in the past". bleh. fuck that. But part of me feels that way, because i have watched some of my favorite people in the world, that i love dearly; people that when i met them were sweet and kind and sensitive, and fucking nice...and i watch them turn into these selfish, mean, uncaring people. Maybe thats a bit dramatic. But fuck. Could i just meet a person that not planning on having some kind of pre mid life fucking crisis in the next year!

anyway. moe sucks. Im sure eventually we will be friends. but, right now. i hope he gets herpes. ha.
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